Buy the book and you'll get a free 1/2 hour private consultation with the authors! This book is for people who want to:

  • Transform their relationship
  • Start a new one with a strong foundation
  • Decide whether they want to stay together

You will learn the Relationship Transformer™ process, an approach that gives you life-long tools to create a satisfying relationship. One that can navigate the inevitable conflicts and struggles that surface in any relationship with understanding and love.  

This book will guide you to:

  • Unblock what holds you back.
  • Puncture cultural myths, dissolve distortions, and discard outmoded beliefs.
  • Gain clarity. Get to know yourself in a different way.
  • Articulate what you need and want and feel confident about getting it.
  • Re-connect with your partner, reinvigorated with a new sense of purpose.
  • Build a strong and lasting foundation.
  • Create a compelling shared vision that honors your individual uniqueness.
  • Have the opportunity to negotiate an agreement to support your shared vision.
  • Identify Your Inner Relationship Fingerprint
Relationship Transformation: Have Your Cake and Eat It Too-A Practical Guide for Couples Who Yearn for Both Freedom and Commitment shares the stories of couples who have benefited from the revolutionary approach presented in this book. It gives you front row access to their interior lives: their pain and struggles, their conflicting emotions and desires, their courage to work things out.
Lasting Love is One of Life’s 
Most Profound Experiences

Deep down, most people yearn for a 
committed relationship that gives them 
enough space to feel free and enough 
security to feel safe and loved. The premise
—you can have your cake and eat it, too—
embraces individual freedom, personal control, 
and self-realization. But while our need for freedom is strong, our desire for deep connection with another person is equally powerful.

With clear instruction, case studies, and guided reflections, the authors help you. You get front-row access to the interior lives of couples—their pain and struggle, their conflicting emotions and desires, and their courage to work things out.

Step by step, Relationship Transformation shows you how to gain awareness of what drives you, what holds you back, and how you can re-envision your relationship and move forward to fulfilling and lasting love. Adopting this new view of relationship will lead you to the passionate life you envision. To get the relationship we want, we need a new perspective on our authentic selves, a fresh vision of our ideal relationship, and the courage to speak up for our deepest needs.

Our book gives you a trusty map for blazing your own trail to a satisfying relationship — on your own terms.


“Too often people seek couple therapy in hopes their partners will change—usually a lost cause. I love the ways the stories and exercises invite you to first explore your own style of thinking and communication. You can mutually transform your conversations from trying to prove yourself right to seeking genuine intimacy. Although designed as a self-study book for couples, it applies to all types of relationships, and could help those who are single to prepare for a healthy relationship.”

— Cynthia L. Wall, LCSW, author of The Courage to Trust: a guide to building deep and lasting relationships

“For too long love and commitment have been misunderstood as meaning a loss of freedom. Instead, real romance, true love, and lifelong commitment help you plumb the depths of your true freedom—and this book shows you how!” 

— Judith Sherven, PhD, and Jim Sniechowski, PhD, best-selling authors of The New Intimacy

Do you want a Robust, Satisfying Relationship that Lasts a Lifetime?

We’ll show you how to create a relationship you love — one that honors freedom and connection — so you can have your cake and eat it, too. (Seriously: who doesn’t love cake?)

By shifting the focus first onto you as a unique individual, we help you discover your unique relationship fingerprint: all the wants, desires, and needs you may not even know you have. So you can stop sabotaging your relationships with unconscious expectations — and begin creating them with consciousness and authenticity.

Free. Whole. Connected.

Perfect for starting a new relationship or a new chapter in the one you have — for saving your marriage or adding more spark — or singles seeking clarity on your own terms — you’ll re-discover yourself here.

Re-envision yourself, your partner, and your relationship.


"We're Jerry Duberstein and Mary Ellen (Meg) Goggin-- 
a couple inspired to help couples create a their own, 
unique world of coupledom. A world that satisfies, excites,
 comforts, and enhances the individuals in the relationship. 
A world in which you can be both free and connected.
We're excited that you're here.

"We work with people who want to stop struggling and relieve the distress and pain in their relationship. Most of these couples want to stay together but are tired of settling for less than what they want -or- have lost hope and honestly don't know whether they can stay with their partner and be happy.

"We believe that every couple is unique and no one size fits all method is effective {or respectful}. In our book, as in our work, we meet you "where you are" and guide you to where you want to go. The agenda is yours.

"Our book/work is informed by deep listening+ incisive questions (with a gentle touch) that unearth heart-opening insights + 40 years of clinical experience - not to mention 123 years of combined life experience that includes children, step-children, divorce, widowerhood, single-parenting--you name it.

"Our book is a  right/left brained "game plan"-- a strategy you can customize to embrace your individual uniqueness. We use old-fashioned, practical problem solving balanced with an ocean of compassion + a splash (or bucket full) of humor as appropriate, of course.

"In real life couples love the synergy of working with us--a couple on our own journey--and the gender balance and team environment (four people laser-focused on your relationship). We create a cradle of safety and warmth so you feel comfortable opening up and getting all your "stuff" on the table. Couples say we're easy to talk to

"We've done our best to capture our best practices and give readers an experience as close to working with us personally as we possibly could. Step into our world and get clear and excited about walking together in this amazing journey we call life."

Our book distills Jerry Duberstein’s 40+ years as a therapist into an accessible, helpful guide to honoring your separate selves while building joyful, committed relationships. In it, you’ll find:

  • The Inner Relationship Fingerprint Assessment: discover your relating style
  • Tons of case studies: front-row seats to the interior lives of couples
  • Quizzes, exercises, instructions, and discovery prompts
  • Simple ways to enrich and deepen your inner and shared lives
  • Guided reflections to reconnect to your inner stillpoint
  • Timeless, universal practices applicable to any relationship and situation.

We know that no one relationship model works for every couple. So instead of suggesting a cookie-cutter ideal, we guide you to honoring your unique desires — and discovering and consciously creating the relationship that’s best for you.

Relationship Transformation step-by-steps you to an awareness of what drives you, what holds you back, and how you can re-envision your relationship to create lasting, satisfying love.

We (Jerry + Meg) wrote this book together, in the first year of our relationship. We road-tested every exercise on ourselves, in real time — and created a more satisfying relationship than either of us had ever had. (By Chapter 3, we were married!) We can testify first-hand the power of working through these processes for reconnecting to yourself and your partner.

You’ll get Jerry’s clinical experience + Meg’s down-to-earth practicality. A gender-balanced guide you can trust. A guide from one couple to another.

Discover a fresh perspective on yourself and how you relate. Cultivate the courage to speak your deepest needs. Create the relationship you want.

Think you have to give up freedom to have intimacy? 
Fear you have to sacrifice deep connection to indulge self-realization?

What Couples Say About Working with Us

*You guys are amazing! What a team! You both seemed to peg each of us very quickly! And, as far as I’m concerned, your focus was exactly where it needed to be! I really appreciate that! I’ve never known Dave to open up to anyone but me. But you guys managed to do the extraordinary!!!! Hats off to you! We already ordered your book. Just so you know, we went over our “contract” and it feels pretty perfect. Addresses all the major issues. Dave’s actually been quite open ever since. We’ve been focusing on being kinder and more patient! I’m holding the “vision” Meg! Now Jerry, don’t get all choked up! (I love that about you!) We have a great fondness for both of you and hold you dear to our hearts! You gave us hope where there was none! 
(B. 56y.o. woman)

*Our expectations were met and exceeded. I liked the way you pointed out my actions and behaviors by using sports metaphors. I feel very hopeful about the future!” (J. 40 year old man with two children)

*You saved our marriage. Gave us a new start. I feel hopeful + excited about our future.” (A. 40 y.o. woman with two children)

*The system that Jerry has developed gave us a whole new perspective about our marriage. When we first made contact with him, we were on the brink of divorce. The process of looking at ourselves first and the relationship after worked like magic. Not only is my marriage improved, but I feel better about myself. M. & S.

*I am amazed how quickly my life changed once we started working with Jerry. It was almost magical how the small changes we made freed us from the horrible life we were living. I am very grateful. J.J. & F.D

*We have come a long, long way to living the life we had planned.  We had lost contact with each other and were moving through our lives separately. We have rediscovered each other and we are having a second honeymoon. J. V.

Dr. Jerry Duberstein
has counseled individuals and couples for 40 years. He received his Ph.D. in Psychology at Saybrook Institute in San Francisco in 1986 and a Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology at Antioch New England University in 1976. He lives in Northern California with his wife, Mary Ellen Goggin.

Mary Ellen Goggin, JD
Mary Ellen Goggin has worked with individuals and businesses for 35 years as a lawyer, mediator, personal coach and educator. She received her J.D. at University of New Hampshire Law School and a Master’s Degree at Harvard University. . She lives in Northern California with her husband, Jerry Duberstein.

Deep down, most of us want it all.
We want a satisfying relationship
and individual freedom. We’ve been taught we can’t have both — thankfully, that’s not true!
Here's how it works:

Buy the book from Amazon today and return 
with your order # and Fill out the form so 
Jerry & Meg can contact you to arrange 
your free 1/2 hour consultation.